Help!!

Okay something is terrible wrong with me for the past couple of months.. This Monday blue symptom is starting to scare me.. Is already 1.30am but I just can't fall asleep. Every time I close my eyes many things will just pop out and no matter how many times I clear it off it will comes out again.

*sign* I never had trouble falling asleep but for these couple of months is been really hard for me to fall asleep on Sunday night and it is getting worse. Things in work is getting really bad as well, I have no passion for the job already  but the work load and issue is pilling up while I do not have any motivation to resolve it.

The worst part is I need to get through this feeling for a couple of months more until I get my bonus on February then only I can resign.

Seriously I need to find some cure for this Monday blue symptom, I can't be like this for long, if not I think I'll go crazy soon. I didn't realize how much I hate my job until now, the impact is too much fo me to handle!!

I need help!!! Teach me how to let my mind to not feel like this and survive a few more months then I can start a new chapter ..

Reflection

Okay so it's been quite some time since I last blog, to be frank I'm quite surprise I still remember the password and email. So it's almost two years since I last update so what happened during this time. Any guesses? Haha working is the answer. Well from my last post I mentioned that I think I'm not ready to work yet but still life's gonna keep going so I started working two months later after the last post, so that's about 1 and a half year of adult working life. 

Honestly speaking working does not actually sucks at first, I'm quite excited to learn all the new things that are being taught to me and adapting myself to the new working environment and the job offer mentioned that I could change to a new department after two years. So I would say things are pretty good, until there's one day that I feel like I have no motivation to come to work... That's when the problem starts to kick in, I know that I was good at my job doing all the process improvements n stuff but is still the same old routine stuff that I need to do everyday plus since I have moved role it only takes approx 3 hrs a day to complete my work and I got nothing to do for the rest of the 5 hrs. Seriously all these repetitive work and boredom is killing me, I can feel that I don't have any passion for the work that I'm doing and just passing time. Well most people might think that getting paid without doing anything is great especially my salary package is actually not bad. But why do I feel the emptiness inside??

I guess at some point salary doesn't really matter if something happened. I sort of feel like I'm being cheated by my boss. First about the lower salary group thing that she couldn't do anything about it, then suddenly she could promote me so easily, then she go and add another two years to the window that bonds me with the team. All these thing that happened just gave me some feeling that she somehow is using my trust for her against me. Anyways that's from my point of view, but I have decided something at my end. There's no point to continue to work for a job that I have no passion on, chasing perfection that is hardly exist and the thing that I couldn't obtain while hoping that she will help me to archive it. I've gotten what I planned to take from the company as what I have planned in the beginning so I guess it is time for me to take another step in my life. 

I do not wish to feel any regret when I look back when I'm old, I'm afraid that if I don't take the step now; I do not have the courage to do it later on because I have gotten too comfortable with the current lifestyle. I don't want to be some people there who would just chill in the office everyday and wait for the paycheck to come in. For my dream to open a coffee house in less than 10yrs time, I believe I need to do more to get the capital. 

That's it. What a nice way to express and record down my feeling, let's hope the old me will appreciate this. 

Ciaoz. 

Random thoughts~

Hmm it's been a while since I last update. This post will be about some thoughts that I had lately. When I started this blog I was still an university student and now I've graduated and just pass some professional exams to be a chartered accountant. Well most people will think is good that you can get all these with such a young age. But for me, I feel that I'm not ready for the working life yet, I just not ready to abandon all the happy things that I enjoy previously.

Looking back, I think even though I still maintaining a young and optimistic mind set just like last time but it just don't seem like the same anymore. As you grew up, you had to experience a lot of things that change you beliefs and made you more skeptical about everything you come across, this is the thing that can't be reverse.

As you are gaining, there are things that you are gradually losing as well. After my last trip with two of my best friends I realized that some things are just not exactly the same anymore, even though we are still quite close. This had made me think about my future. I've made a lot of friends while I'm growing up, but honestly I haven't been keeping in touch with much of them. Will they still recognize me? Or even if they still recognize me, people will change don't they; so do they still like to be friends with the person I am now? Hmm this question is just so hard to be optimistic about it.

When you enter the working world, could you still find people that is truly sincere to be friends with you, that doesn't even have a slightest thought about how you might be useful to them in the future? Now I regret not keeping more close friends of the past that are more sincere towards you.

Well just some thoughts and some updates for those of you that are following my blog. Hope you are doing well with your life...

Ciaoz

Friendship ~

Recently some things had happen that causes a friendship bond to break. Well although the friendship wasn't a long one but is the new friend that u made in a new place. We stay under the same roof, travel around Europe together, overall had a lot of good times together.
It is so sad to lose a friend over money matters. It's not like we are very poor since our parents can afford our overseas education. Just because of a few thousand bucks you lose a couple of friends and most importantly the trust of people to you.
Was it worth it? You know that we won't have that kind of trust to you anymore and most probably others too, Because we won't let our friends face the problem that we faced.
Well I can't blame all the problem on you, because you are just following what your mom told you to do. But what I can't accept is that you didn't do anything and just plainly follow despite you know is not right.
Hmm well is just too sad to lose a friend in this way. Now I finally understand why people say 'talk money hurt feelings' ..

Ciaoz

Life~

Hmm it's been so long since I last post, well I actually dun have much things to update since my life is so bored. But now, smth big has happen! I guess is another obstacle that I have to break thru in order to learn my lesson in life.

Well the story is as follow:
I have a friend, A which has moved into a place with me and two other friends but now A suddenly decides to go other place to study and leave us. Well the problems are as follow:
1) A still have half a yr rent to pay and feels that has no obligation to pay
2) V can't do anything legally also because the contract is under the 3 of us but A is not in it ( reason being: A is not a student and wants to avoid paying tax so A ask us to help)
3) If A doesn't pay it's part, v will need to pay extra £600 each which is quite a lot

So what can I do?? In the first place A is the one that ask us to moved into a house so that A can avoid the tax but now A is leaving us alone with all these shit. Does this person still has its moral conscious? Responsibility? Care about other people? Or people are just selfish, only care about their own benefits? What is trust? Friendship? means anymore? Is this world that corrupted already?

I have so many question but no answer. Should I not believe I friendship anymore after the age of 21 like what hh said? Those times that v spend together means nth to A?? The thing is A has choice; Manchester offer the same thing as London, there's no saying that if no Malaysian go to the center in Manchester means it is not good this is so ridiculous. I'm so sad and confused, people always say people change thru time but y does it has to change to be more selfish? I thought I knew this person, but in the end seems like I dunno this person at all.

So in conclusion, £600 can buy me a lesson; that is never to think that you know a person bcos ppl change and in the end it is urself that will get hurt bcos of ur kindness. I have lost faith in humanity, never to trust people especially stuff regarding money.

That's all for today then. Phew complaining here sure makes me feel. better and makes me forever remember my lesson as well. Also this can also teach my fellow blog followers a lesson, hope you guys won't have to face this type of problem in the future.

Ciaoz n take care.

It's Been A While~

Hmm, lately been quite busy studying and doing assignments so don't really have time to update this blog.. Well to tell the truth i dont have much interesting stuff to update also, as life had been boring and repetitive.. The only new thing is that i'm going to graduate soon and got a bf.. hehe I'm so freaking sure that i'll miss this university life (relax and chill, have fun and travel.. only hate assignment due period and exam period, Haha)

I'm 21 this year and my plan is to study ACCA for another then only go and find a job and work.. By that time i'm just 22, sometimes i feel like continue study for the rest of my life so that i can enjoy for a longer time, but i know this is quite impossible.. Working will be a new chapter in my life for sure, so i must complete this chapter (studying) with as much fun and laughter as possible because i knew i'm going to need it to remind me the good times that i had and i hope it will get me through the hard times in the coming futures.. hehe

Struggling to get 1st class on my final exam, dont want to disappoint my parents and also myself as they spend lotsss of money sending me here for a better education and learn much experience living in overseas.. I know i'm not stupid, so i just need to work this lazy ass and study more.. and hopefully i can do it, i believe that if I tried my best; my parents will be satisfied and i will have no regrets for the rest of my life..

okay.. gonna sleep now, nights to me; morning to those of you who r in Malaysia.. Good luck to those who r having exams too..

Ciaoz

中间~

为什么要执著于寻找你爱的人，而不把机会让给爱自己的人呢？

是应该改变观念了，或许感情是可以培养出来的...