feelings

There are times when we have doubts with our decision and our beliefs. This beliefs that we are holding on is it really correct? how would it affect others? When a situation happens and it requires immediate decision, did you always made the right ones or the wrong ones?

Late at night or you might call in early in the morning, i am sitting down in front of my computer and all these sudden thoughts just came and crush into my tiny brain. And so i decided to post about it just to record down my feelings at this moment. Sometimes i will have some doubts about the choice i made for my life about the way i act, the principles and belief that i am holding tightly, and the choices i made. Well, is it right for me? or maybe i should change? well that's not a question for me to answer. Because one of the principle of mine is that other people matters a lot more than myself, i dunno where i get this principle from but it actually guided me for all these years. Now, I am sitting here feeling so exhausted and tired of what i did and what i am planning to do.. it just so uncomfortable.

Everytime when i had to fake a smile to people it actually takes up a lot of me. When the results are bad, the parents are not understanding enough, or even having a hard time with the relationship (currently single, so nth to worry about), is there anything i can do to release it? Well last time i used sports. but now sports is not an option anymore because i dun have my kaki-kaki that will accompany me. This morning i tried to study, the end result was almost 2 hours for less than one chapter. Never ever in my life that i feel that i am so useless, i have no mood, no determination, no pressure to study. The fear of getting poor results is not enough to push me.. So who can help me now?

So who do i seek advise from when i am in this situation? God? i dun think so. Parents? I never let them see that i have a problem. Friends? For them, I am just a happy child..

Life goes on with full of surprises and i shall not give up my idiotic principle and continue my life. Well lets just leave all these questions to my fate and hope that someday i will get an answer from somebody or somewhere..

A friend of mine just get approved by UM, she's so happy about it and i think she will strive till the end.. Congratz pipoh kw, now i have less things to worry when i'm in UK since you are on your way to a better future.